What To Do

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Watch this helpful video on how to take an accurate measurement!

Video not working or not interested in watching a video, follow these steps.

1. Have a pen, marker, or pencil and the provided measuring tape. We've already trimmed off any additional space before the 1, so you're good to go.

2. Think happy thoughts, either with a loved one or by yourself, and get the best boner of your life.

3. Clear away the bush. You don't want to short yourself. Shaving is not required.

4. FIRST MEASUREMENT Dick Length: Look straight down at your dick. You are going to measure from the base of what you see (by your pubic bone) to the head of your dick.

5. Place the end of the measuring tape, the side with the 1 up, at the base of your shaft (by your pubic bone).

6. Lay the measuring tape on your dick until it reaches the tip.

7. Measure twice, mark once. Make sure the measuring tape doesn't slide away from the base.

8. A good trick is to hold the measuring tape at the base with one hand, lay it on your dick and then grasp the measuring tape at the head. So, if you are left-handed, hold the measuring tape by the shaft with your left hand, run it up the length of your dick, grasp it with your free right hand, grab a writing tool, and mark the measuring tape. The mark will appear on the back of the measuring tape. If this makes no sense, watch the damn video.

9. Remove the measuring tape and make the dick size mark darker. NO CHANGING THE LINE. Just make it easier to see.

10. SECOND MEASUREMENT Dick Width or Circumference: Look down at your dick. Find the fattest part, not the including the head.

11. Start with the measuring tape on the number 1, hold it, and wrap it around your shaft until it comes back to the 1. If this makes no sense, watch the damn video.

12. Measure twice, mark once.

13. Just as before, remove the measuring tape and make the circumference size mark darker. NO CHANGING THE LINE. Just make it easier to see.

14. Go to the website address listed on the e-mail or enclosed paper. Answer the questions on the form.

15. Take pictures of both sides of the measuring tape. Do NOT include your penis in these pictures.

16. Upload your two pictures to the form. Submit the form.

17. Proudly wear your "I Measured My Own" Badge of Honor Sticker.

18. Check back to see the results. They should be posted 7-10 days after you submit the form.